Sunday, April 1, 2012

Mormons coming for tribes

At first it seemed like an early cruel April Fool's joke.

Larry EchoHawk, the first American Indian elected to a constitutional statewide office and a Democrat is leaving the Bureau of Indian Affairs to take a position on the Quorum of Seventy inside the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Rob Capriccioso divined the maneuver at Indian Country Today:
LDS leaders have praised Echo Hawk’s move, saying that said his new role shows that the religion is open to Democrats. In a presidential election year when Echo Hawk’s old boss, Obama, will likely square off against GOP frontrunner and popular Mormon Church member Mitt Romney, the politics of the situation will likely take on an added dimension.
The Seventy, of course, are all men and tasked to establish new stakes (parishes).

Yikes!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hmm...looks more like a Tribal member is coming for the Mormons. While I think there is a great deal that is misogynistic and bizarre about the Mormon religion, I have also seen it do a great deal of good for some tribal members. If anything, having someone like Mr. Echo Hawk in the Quorum will hopefully have a positive effect on the LDS church and their often troubled views on race and politics.

larry kurtz said...

LDS is not so much a religion as it is a social contract: probably why there is so much suspicion from Calvinists.

Just seems like another pyramid scheme exacting pounds of flesh while employing tax-exempt status to me.

freegan said...

part 1 of 3 http://permaculturepodcast.org/ray-podder-discusses-one-new-abundant-energy-revolution-and-power-you-permaculture-podcast-episode-4

Bill Dithmer said...

News from the World Wide Church of Bill.

THE FOR PROFIT CHURCH OF THE FUTURE

At a recent meeting of the WWCB committee it was brought to our attention that we need to expand our church into other business matters. The weekly mixers have become a big hit with the community and our all day happy hour seems to have found a place in the hearts of not only our parishioners but those from other churches as well. The liquor license was the best investment that a church could ever make.

We started open mike night last month and have been entertained by some first rate acts. Just to name a few, the mother and daughter pole dance act of Liza and Mona Hugelmister kept the audience going for the whole hour they were on stage. Father OBriens shadow puppets of a man walking a leaking pipeline were also well received, as were the musical styling's of Stephanie and Jan the nude quadriplegic banjo playing twins. But we are lacking something, we need more.

That’s why we are forming a new sports association. The “AWPA” That’s right it’s the American Wall Pissing Association, and we The Church of Bill are the sanctioning body. We see it as a future TV event and are sure that it will be a hit from league play all the way to the World Series Of Wall Pissing. Just think about it. City play, then the state, on to the national eliminators and then THE BIG PISS OFF.

I know its hard to believe this hasn’t been done before but now is the time. Spring break is upon us and those college students are already practicing. Here is what we have come up with for the AWPA.
The official rules for championship WALL PISSING

First there are a few things you need to get together to be sanctioned by the WORLD WALL PISSING ASSOCIATION. Yes thats right we plan on going global. These are recommendations and rules to keep the games fair.

Bill Dithmer said...

First the equipment needed for a sanctioned event.

1. A good quality digital camera with a grid lens. This camera should be mounted on a high quality tripod that will be set in the exact same spot and remain in that spot for the entire competition. Any attempt to move the camera by a contestant or any representative of their team will result in disqualification and penalties in future competition.

2.A measuring tape.

3.Each contestant will be required to bring his or her own score card in the form of a flat plain colored sheet from a regular size bed. This is very important. "There will be no white sheets allowed."The sheet will be marked with one two inch stripe down the middle lengthwise. Clothespins will be supplied by the league for the purpose of hanging said sheet.

3. A stopwatch

4. Lasix pills supplied by the pharmacist of the committees choice to be handed out not more then an hour before competition.

5. Enough beer or water to supply each contestant with sixty-four ounces of liquid. If a contestant wants to drink more that is within the rules.

6. A colored two inch strip of tape about three feet long. Or in the case of a dirt floor chalk, the same kind used in lining a baseball field.

HOW TO SCORE A COMPETITION.

All competitions will be set at the one foot mark from a wall marked either by the colored tape or the chalk. The contestants toes can be on the line but not over that line. Once the contestant sets his or her feet neither foot can move or it will result in disqualification.

Each contestant will be required to hang their own sheet, or score card, with the stripe running vertical centered on the one foot mark in front of the wall. The contestant or their representatives will be responsible for hanging and removing their score card.

The camera tripod will be set before competition directly in back of the contestants line. When the line judge yells time the contestant must turn to the side and walk at least four feet away out of the cameras view, and discontinue the game. At that time the line judge will say "clear" and the camera operator will take a picture. After all the contestants have competed the camera will be connected to a computer and the grid will be counted by a panel of three judges. A priest, a rabbi, and the owner of the highest rated strip club in town voted on by the public. Any attempt to influence this panel will result in immediate disqualification unless sufficient money is involved to impress the panel.

Each contestant has one chance and one chance only to compete. The line judge will have the stopwatch and when the first stream starts time will begin. Only one stream will be excepted the length of which will be recorded by the stopwatch. Any attempt at multiple streams will be a disqualification.

At no time will the contestant be allowed to touch the wall. Doing so will result in immediate disqualification. “This is a hands free competition.” Any attempt to manipulate a contestants aim after he or she is set will result in immediate disqualification.

Bill Dithmer said...

SCORING IS AS FOLLOWS.

When the contestants name is announced he or she will step to the line. There will be a thirty second time frame from the time the feet are set to compete. Anything after that time will not count in the score.

The competition will be scored in coverage, height, and the timed length of the stream.

SCORING SYSTEM
Take the amount of coverage as determined by the count of the grid by the panel, divided by the height of the contestant in inches.

Next take the highest mark of the contestants stream measured from the ground in inches and add that to the above numbers.

Then you divide that number by the length of stream time in seconds to get the final score.

EXAMPLE

Your contestant has a grid score of 144, he is 72 inches tall. The first part of the score is =2

If the contestants streams highest point is 48 inches add that to the above score for a total of 50.

Now if the contestants stream last for three seconds you divide 50 by 3 and get the final score of 16.6.

HANDICAPPING

Everyone starts at the foot line. Anyone that is at least six inches shorter then the tallest person has the choice of standing six inches closer to the wall or standing on a six inch block at the foot line.

All judging decisions are final unless money is involved. There is a entry fee of ten dollars to help cover beer and sanctioning rights. All TV rights are the responsibility of the event organizers.

These rules are hereby sanctioned by the governing body of the AWPA.


FEEL THE POWER-------SMELL THE WIN

The future is now.

Void where expressly prohibited by law.

Comming soon from the AWPA scotch doubles, the perfect date night.

The Right Reverand Bill still crazy after all of these years, but no worse then the other preachers in the world.

Not to be confused with PETA, ASPCA, or AARP
they dont pay taxes we do.

Religion is like the oil in your car. You should check it every six thousand years. If it smells maybe, just maybe its time for a change.

larry kurtz said...

You rock, BlindMan!

D.E. Bishop said...

Hahahhaha!
I want to join the WWCB! Send me a form. I understand that dues are expensive, but I'll find a way.

Count me in!

larry kurtz said...

Tim Giago shares his view on the history of Mormons and the tribes here.