Monday, November 25, 2013

Yiddish curses for Dan Lederman

May Dan's caller ID confuse the number of all campaign robo-calls, fundraising solicitations, and telemarketers with that of his grandchildren.

May Dan's child give his Bar Mitzvah speech on the genius of Ayn Rand.

May Dan be reunited in the world to come with his ancestors, who were all socialist garment workers.

May Dan grow so rich that his widow’s second husband is thrilled they repealed the estate tax.

May Dan dream all his life of making aliyah to Israel, only to be rejected when he fails to produce his long-form Bar Mitzvah certificate.

May the secretary Dan is schtupping depend on Planned Parenthood for her birth control.

May Dan's only "grandchildren" be cats, and may he be allergic, but may his pharmacist legally refuse to refill his Allegra prescription because it's manufactured by the same company that makes the abortion drug.

May Dan's insurance company be as consistent and reliable in their dealings with him as Mitt Romney has been with the American people.

May Dan's accountant be as honest as Paul Ryan, and may his children be as compassionate towards the elderly and infirm.

May Dan's son the doctor introduce him to his fiancée, Bristol Palin.

May Dan's colon be as obstructionist as the GOP-held House.

May Dan find himself insisting to a roomful of skeptics that his great-grandmother was "legitimately" raped by Cossacks.

From Yiddish curses for Republican Jews.


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