Lorena Bobbit and Monica Lewinsky were enjoying lunch together at an outdoor cafe' when a man walked up to them and exposed the most enormous schlong either had ever seen.
Lewinsky whispered to Lorena, "do you have your knife with you?"
Bobbit nodded.
"Quick," Monica said, pointing to the corners of her perfect mouth, "cut me here and here."
A set from The Nutcracker served as a backdrop on that luscious stage. No one left the packed theater with dry trousers...or panty hose.
Then Gibilisco got up to read ...
ReplyDelete"All through the grocery store, Dad kept shouting, 'The slime! The fizz!' Over and over. People started looking funnily at us, and some laughed, some nodded. We filled the cart with hamburger and Mountain Dew, more and more and more of it, like a year's supply, and Dad kept shouting, 'The fizz! The slime!' Then I started in, and my brother Carl too, and all three of us guys went at it in unison, through the checkout and into the parking lot where a broiling sun could have roasted the burgers right then and there given a few minutes. 'The slime! The fizz! ... The fizz! The slime!' Finally Mom could stand it no longer. 'Oh you guys, stop it!' she snapped. We laughed and got in Old No. 7 and rolled down the windows and, all the way home, screamed, 'The slime! The fizz! ... The fizz! The slime!' Mom could only shake her head. Hopeless addicts, all three of us guys, hopeless addicts and goddam proud of it."
No wonder people all wet their pants. The fizz! Goes through you like a snake through the grass.
The Lawrence County Democrats would love to have you, Stan!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the notion, Larry. I'll think about it. Seriously.
ReplyDelete